Letting Go of the Woman I Was 25 Years Ago
My second honest reflection this month is about fitness—and the woman I keep comparing myself to.
She is me, only 25 years younger.
For a woman my age—and honestly, I don’t particularly like that phrase—I am in pretty good shape.
Why do we need the qualifier?
I still ski, kayak, bike, walk, work out, and play golf. I may not do those things as aggressively or competitively as I once did, but letting go of some of that pressure has allowed me to enjoy these activities in a different way.
I no longer need every bike ride to prove something. I don’t have to ski the most difficult run, play the best round of golf, or turn every workout into a competition.
I can simply enjoy moving my body.
But if I am being completely truthful, I have not been as active during the past two years as I would like to be.
When My Old Workout Stopped Working
I went through a difficult period this past spring. In an attempt to feel better, I tried to work out the way I used to.
I pushed harder.
I expected my body to respond the way it had 25 years ago.
I have a fitness background, so I thought I knew what I was doing. But after only one week, I had to admit that my approach was not making me stronger.
I was hurting myself.
That realization required me to switch gears and become kinder to myself. Surprisingly, that took me through something of a grieving process.
I had to face the reality that I am getting older.
People told me to lighten up. They said this is simply what happens as we age.
I am still not sure I completely buy into that.
I accept that my body is changing. I do not accept that aging means I should stop challenging myself, caring for my health, or expecting to feel strong.
There is a difference between acceptance and resignation.
Acceptance says, “This is the body I have today. How can I care for it?”
Resignation says, “Nothing can improve, so why bother?”
I am willing to accept.
I am not willing to resign.
Telling Myself the Physical Truth
My body is different from the body I had 25 years ago.
Some things are a little saggier. Fine lines have appeared. I need more rest and recovery. I no longer wake up, look in the mirror, and automatically think, “Well, that looks just fine.”
But I also no longer feel that I need to be one size smaller.
That is growth.
Instead of punishing my body for changing, I began paying attention to what it was telling me. I reviewed my eating habits, vitamin intake, energy, rest, and daily movement. I made changes based on what I noticed and what seemed appropriate for me.
I now pay closer attention to what I eat and how different choices make me feel. I make sure I do some form of movement every day.
Sometimes that means working out inside on my NordicTrack or Peloton. Other times, it means walking outdoors, playing golf, riding my bike, kayaking, or simply moving in a way that feels good and useful.
My goal is no longer to force my current body to look exactly like my younger body.
My goal is to feel strong, healthy, capable, and alive in the body I have now.
And after making these changes, I feel great.
How I Used the Untangled Method
How did I make these changes?
I applied the Untangled Method to my own life.
I began with **prayer and intention**. Each morning, I ask for guidance and set an intention for how I want to care for myself that day.
I returned to **meditation**. Sometimes I meditate while walking. Other times, I meditate while doing cardio at home. I listen to my thoughts and notice the stories I am telling myself about age, beauty, discipline, and worth.
I use **breathwork**. Before getting out of bed, I spend five minutes breathing deeply. It settles my nervous system and helps me begin the day from a calmer place rather than immediately rushing into it.
I practiced **letting go**. I began releasing the expectation that my body should look and perform exactly as it did 25 years ago.
I practiced **radical acceptance**. My body has changed. My energy, recovery time, skin, and physical needs are different. Denying those changes will not make me younger. It will only make me frustrated.
I practiced **loving myself**. Instead of criticizing my body for aging, I began appreciating everything it still allows me to do. This body has carried me through an active and complicated life. It still takes me skiing, kayaking, biking, golfing, and walking through the mountains I love.
I practiced **vulnerability and courage** by asking for help. I spoke with my therapist and a fitness trainer. I admitted that my old approach was no longer working and became willing to learn something new.
I returned to **purpose**. Part of my purpose is demonstrating how the Untangled Method can be used in ordinary life—not only during a major crisis. Our relationship with our bodies, our habits, and aging can become tangled too.
Finally, I practiced **letting go of the outcome**.
Where will all of this lead?
I don’t know.
Perhaps I will become stronger. Maybe I will lose a few pounds, or maybe my body will settle into a shape that is different from the one I imagined. I may need to make more adjustments as I continue to age.
The outcome is not entirely under my control.
My choices today are.
Honoring the Woman I Am Now
I do not need to reject the woman I was 25 years ago. She worked hard, competed, taught fitness, and built strength that still benefits me today.
I can appreciate her without continuing to compete with her.
She is part of my story, but she is no longer the standard I must use to measure my worth.
The woman I am today has something my younger self did not have: experience, perspective, greater self-awareness, and a growing ability to listen to her body instead of constantly judging it.
Perhaps the goal is not to return to an earlier version of ourselves.
Perhaps the goal is to become fully present with the version who is here now.
This week, ask yourself:
**Am I caring for the body I have today—or punishing it because it is no longer the body I once had?**
What could change if you stopped comparing yourself to a younger version of you and began building a loving, honest relationship with the person you are becoming?
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